By The Rev. Lee Nelson, ‘05, SSC

From time to time, I feel led to draw attention to a little-understood feature of the church calendar: the Ember Day. Ember Days occur on the Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday following the Third Sunday of Advent, the First Sunday in Lent, Pentecost Sunday, and Holy Cross Day (September 14). Traditionally, these were quarterly (quattro tempora) days for ordinations. Ember is the typical Germanic word meaning “times.” In essence, these are times for fasting and prayer concerning Christian vocation, which is the topic I’d like to address today. 

First, it must be said that every single Christian has a vocation, a calling from the Lord issuing forth directly from the Christian’s identity as a member of Christ and of his church, one accompanied by a set of gifts from the Holy Spirit which are intended to bring forth spiritual fruit. These are realities which we are meant to discern, exercising the eyes of faith to perceive and know the will of the Lord for the shape of our lives, for the particular ways in which He is calling upon us to build up the church and live lives of faithfulness and mission. Though this discernment will often touch on issues of career paths or education or questions of marriage or singleness, I want to be clear: vocational discernment is not for those at the crossroads of life. It is ongoing. The fact that I am a priest and also a married man does not mean discernment in my own life has come to an end. I must constantly, through prayer and spiritual disciplines, be attentive to the Holy Spirit, to know new ways of faithfulness, new courses of obedience to this ever-present calling. 

Over the years, many have benefitted from advice given me by the late Canon John Heidt (who likely received it from someone else, who will have to remain uncredited). The first bit of advice is this: be attentive to your desires. The Psalmist says: “[The Lord] fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them” (Psalm 145:19 ESV). Good and holy desires follow from the work of God in molding and forming our hearts to be desirous of His most holy will. The Lord is not a slave-driver. He does not want a people of grudging compliance. He desires that His people would respond lovingly and willingly to His calling. A sure-fire way to know the calling of the Lord is this: does it fill you with joy? Does it fill you with excitement that would count even the potential difficulties worthwhile? At the center of the Christian life is a paradox: desires are either good or evil. Discernment of the difference is essential, and joy is the measure. Ignatius of Loyola called this the “movements of the soul.” Am I moved in my soul to desire a deepening relationship with God as well as the common good? Or, am I simply seeking to gratify myself at the expense of a life of holiness and service to my neighbor?

The second question is that of ability.

Am I able to do the thing that I desire? As a kid, I wanted to play shortstop. Cal Ripken was, and still is, my baseball hero. However, my attention span is nowhere near adequate to be a shortstop. I’m also not nearly fast enough nor athletic enough. What I mean is that our desires may not equate with our abilities. While we can, and should, pray for the Lord to build us up in our weaknesses, it is essential to be prevented from the sin of presumption. The Psalmist prays to be held back from “presumptuous sins” (Psalm 19:13), sins of being concerned with things too great for him, sins of an inflated ego. At the same time, we should also avoid the particular affliction of false humility, the idea that we are not good enough (which is always true), or that our many inadequacies somehow disqualify us from obedience. We might ask, “Is there any reason I shouldn’t do this thing?”

Finally, we must consider the question of opportunity.

By this, I mean that one might desire the Lord’s will, might find joy in the idea of this or that course of obedience, might be well-suited for it, but without the necessary opportunity to pursue it. It is normal to have obligations to others - parents, spouse, children, employers. We do well to be attentive to what are called in the Christian tradition "duties of state." I had a parishioner who was, in the twilight of his life, married to a woman with a horrible case of Alzheimer’s Disease. She looked forward to his daily visits at her memory care facility as he was the only human being she could actually recognize. He was a fantastically capable man, a former Naval officer who had worked in the Pentagon. His mind was still sharp, but he was, in a word, grounded. He understood that his calling at that particular time of life was to serve his wife, something he had vowed to do. When she died, he almost immediately took a trip to Chile and Argentina to photograph penguins. I’m also reminded of a woman, a widowed mother of four, who desired to enter the religious life. When the last of her children graduated from high school, she moved into a convent, and lived quite happily there for the rest of her life. There is holiness in keeping our obligations to others. When we are free of them, we have the opportunity to be obedient to the Lord’s calling in new ways. This is most often true of those who are still quite young, and it falls to the young to be particularly discerning as to their desires, especially as opportunity abounds. 

During these upcoming Ember Days (December 16, 18, & 19), I’d ask you to take on intentional fasting and prayer for clarity of vocation and desire in your own life as well as in the lives of others. In particular, this is a time to pray for an increase of vocations to Holy Orders and the religious life. But, it is also a time to intentionally place your life on the altar of the Lord’s grace and mercy and ask for the joy of surrender to His holy will.

The Rev. Lee Nelson, SSC, ‘05, came to a passionate love of Jesus and his church through the ministries of his diocese and the mentoring of diocesan clergy. His desire is to be a mentor and spiritual director to young people as they discern the Lord's calling on their lives. A graduate of Texas A&M University and Nashotah House, he served as the Youth and Family Minister and Curate at Saint Laurence Church in Southlake, Texas, and as Rector of the Church of Saint John the Evangelist in Stockton, California. Sensing a call to plant churches in university towns and campuses, he and his family packed up everything and moved to Waco in 2014 to be a part of Christ Church. In addition to planting Christ Church, he is also working with families and students in the Bryan/College Station area to plant Church of the Incarnation. For the last several years, Fr. Nelson has served on the Catechesis Task Force of the Anglican Church in North America, the group responsible for writing To Be a Christian, An Anglican Catechism.