Ash Wednesday

By The Rt. Rev. Greg Brewer

I never actually wanted to hit bottom. Just the thought of finding myself in a situation where none of my cleverness, none of my contacts, and none of my experience would help seems terrifying. I knew there were things going on in my life that intentionally were escaping my notice. But they were there. I could see their eyes staring at me in the dark–even when I closed my eyes.

I could feel my prayer life becoming more superficial. Sure, I prayed the Daily Office, but I found myself becoming increasingly distracted. I would merely recite the words, not drink them in. I noticed myself becoming increasingly and easily irritated with myself and others. My driving became more aggressive. I was tight inside. My caffeine quota was increasing. I wanted to find a way to stop this slide, but I did not know how. Plus, my pride was forcing me to keep it all inside and share it with no one. All of these symptoms were driving me to cry out in prayer: “Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me from this bondage of death?”

At first, I did not think God was answering my prayer. I did not realize that it was God who was stirring up the silt at the bottom of my heart, muddying my calm waters, dredging up things I did not want to face. You pick the analogy: cleaning out the algae in my interior aquarium, scouring the burn off the inside of the cooking pot, pulling the weeds in my garden out by their roots!  Each word picture speaks to the often painful but necessary work God does of “tearing that we might be healed” (Hosea 6:1).

Once a wise old bishop looked at a group of four candidates for bishop election and said to them, “All four of you are marked for Calvary, but at today’s election three of you will get a reprieve–for now.”  All of us, and not just once, are bidden to come and die (Bonhoeffer).  Ash Wednesday is God’s invitation to come to Calvary. 

The words of the Ash Wednesday liturgy are meant to help us get to the bottom of things: “Rend your hearts, and not your garments!” But it is God who begins the tear. Our part is to face the fact that God’s hand is at work and say “yes” to the tearing. Do you fear the tearing? It is only for your cleansing and healing. God is a master surgeon whose chief aim is shaping us for His glory. God sees the bright splendor of His Son that God has planted within us, and God is determined to answer the deepest cries of our heart and set us free. 

You are not some particularly loathsome person that God is singling out for this surgical work. All of us who continue to say “yes” to God face regular times of trials and pruning. But most of us rarely share with others these deep and often lonely times of pruning. So when these times come our way, we assume (wrongly) that there is something uniquely wrong with us. Wrong? Yes. Uniquely? Hardly!  

God is kind. His hand of blessing and His hand of pruning are one and the same. Do you believe God is “kind”? Do you believe God’s good intentions for you are to root out the fear and the rot that captivate you with their seductive delusions so that you know Jesus and His joy even more deeply? Will you trust Him with your life?  

These are not superficial questions. They are meant to get at the root of our distrust of God’s goodness so that we might finally give up and yield to His masterful love. As the liturgy reminds us, God does not hate us, and he freely forgives all who trust in His mercy. God hears our confession. God accepts our repentance.  

As the famous hymn, “How Firm a Foundation” reminds us: 

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rives of woe shall not thee overflow

For I will be with thee thy troubles to bless

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall like,

My grace all sufficient shall be thy supply.  

The flame shall not hurt thee I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The soul that to Jesus hath fled for repose,

 I will not, I will not desert to his foes.  

That soul that hell shall endeavor to shake.  

I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

The service of Ash Wednesday invites us on a journey into a deeper companionship with the God who loves us and is at work in our lives. The gateway into this journey is repentance, a repentance that is our “yes” to His cleansing already at work in our lives. God is fitting us for this journey. More than we consciously know, His grace is carrying us, purifying us, and making us whole. 

Will you say “yes” to this work of God? O beloved, will you say “yes”?

The Rt. Rev. Greg Brewer is the recently retired bishop of Central Florida. Ordained a priest in 1977, he has served in the dioceses of Central Florida; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania; and New York, serving in suburban and urban congregations, as well as a brief stint on the faculty of Trinity School for Ministry. During his twelve-year tenure as bishop of Central Florida, he helped develop a plan for strengthening diocesan life, including revitalizing congregations and raising up new clergy and performing over 200 ordinations, with a particular emphasis on raising up younger clergy, women, and people of color. He served for four years as the national chaplain to the Daughters of the King. For the past three years he has taught an accredited course in homiletics at Nashotah House. Bishop Brewer has been married to Laura Lee for 42 years and they have five sons. The readings for the preceding devotional may be located here from Forward Movement.